How to Gracefully Give, Receive and Incorporate Performance Feedback

I haven’t always been good at receiving feedback. In fact, in my early professional years, constructive comments would often reduce me to tears.

I’d like to think I’ve evolved since those days. I have more personal and professional wins under my belt to buoy me up. I’m able to put things into perspective, and also recognize how giving constructive feedback can feel challenging to the giver.  If someone is taking the time and effort to offer ways for me to improve, I can appreciate that as a gift. We all have blind spots.

Here are a few best practices for giving, receiving and incorporating performance feedback:

1.     When delivering feedback, lead with empathy. How would it feel for you to hear the feedback you’re about to share? Would you feel comfortable giving the feedback sitting right next to the person? How can what you’re about to say lead to improvement, the celebration of strengths and potential, and the ability to more effectively tackle challenges in the future?

2.     Clear is kind. Be direct, but caring. It is possible to be both. Try not to muddy the waters with a feedback sandwich: positive-constructive-positive. As long as enough positive feedback is flowing on a regular basis (studies recommend a ratio of 6:1 positive-to-constructive feedback), the constructive feedback can and should stand alone. 

3.     Be prepared with examples. As a feedback giver, use clear examples of where you’ve seen specific behaviors in action. Paint a picture and seek alignment. Do you remember the time X happened?  Or: I observed how your communication style was received, and this was the impact it had on the team… Tangible examples make ideas concrete.

4.     When receiving feedback, be curious, not defensive. Let’s admit it, sometimes feedback we receive is personal. Everyone brings bias and subjectivity to the table, so we need to maintain perspective. However, if you’re starting to get defensive, resist! Instead, ask, That’s fascinating to me, as I’ve never heard that before. Can you tell me more so I can better understand? Or: Can you give me an example of where you’ve observed that in practice? Or simply: Thank you for your feedback. I’ll work on that, and I’d value regrouping in another month to see if you’ve observed any changes.

5.     Remember we’re all interconnected. Pointing out how certain behaviors affect different groups is a good way to shift the focus from personal feelings to the business impact. This is helpful when dealing with those who may “crush” their goals but don’t realize they’ve crushed a few colleagues in their wake.  Ultimately, if one person’s behavior hinders the team’s progress toward a business goal, the whole team should be invested in finding a solution that values all participants.

Nowadays, I pride myself on my ability to incorporate feedback to grow. I embrace the challenge: how might I stretch out of my comfort zone and creatively try a new approach?  How can I improve by adapting? This doesn’t mean being inauthentic or throwing out what’s working, but adding more tools to my kit.   

By becoming more aware of how we’re perceived by others, we may open our eyes to habits we didn’t realize we’ve developed – good and bad. And asking for and receiving genuine feedback may be the gift we need the most.